View Post

Jimmy V. Speech for the College Man:

In Sports by Ryco Newton-Block

Original:

“To me there are three things everyone should do every day. Number one is laugh. Number two is think — spend some time in thought. Number three, you should have your emotions move you to tears. If you laugh, think and cry, that’s a heck of a day.”

College:

“To me there are three things every college male should do every day. Number one is drink. Number two is fight ? spend some time fighting. Number Read More

View Post

City of Cleveland Demands the Browns Relocate Immediately

In Sports by Ryco Newton-Block

CLEVELAND, OH – In 1995, the Cleveland Browns broke their fans’ hearts when they announced the club was moving to Baltimore. Imagine being dumped for the dreadful city of Baltimore? That’s like your girlfriend dumping you because you aren’t good in bed and then marrying a eunuch.

But not to fear, the Browns returned in 1999 and began a historic and unprecedented 17-year run of pure shit. Just twice in the 17 seasons since they returned did the Browns Read More

View Post

Local Man Conflicted About Kicking Uncle Out of Fantasy League

In Sports by Ryco Newton-Block

TAMPA, FL – “I have no idea how I’m going to break the news to uncle Tony, but everyone in the league wants him out,” said Jamie Johnson, a 28 year-old fantasy league commissioner and rotosports veteran. “He completely ruins our live draft every year.”

Johnson went on to explain that this year, his friend Kirk was kind enough to host the always-rambunctious draft party at his house in Tampa. “Kirk bought kegs, food, and he really tricked Read More

View Post

Ryan Lochte Banned from Swimming for 10 months – Not Even Allowed to Snorkel

In Sports by Ryco Newton-Block

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO – Twelve time Olympic medalist Ryan Lochte has been suspended 10 months for his role in the now infamous Rio Olympic gas station incident. Many details surrounding that night are still unknown. What is known is that Lochte lied to his mother, who then blurted out the fake story to entire world. “Like seriously shut up mom! God!”

The suspension comes down from the International Olympic Committee, US Olympic Committee and USA Read More

View Post

Special Report: Colin Kaepernick’s Secret Addiction to Protesting

In Sports by Ryco Newton-Block

Just a few years ago, Colin Kaepernick was running wild all over the Green Bay Packer’s defense in the NFC title game. He was one throw away from being crowned a Super Bowl champion. So what happened? How did it all crumble so quickly?

A source close to Kap explained the dark truth. “After that season, Kap became addicted to protesting. It started small, things like refusing to pay for extra meat at Chipotle, change his seat on a Delta flight so newlyweds Read More