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New Study Suggests That Adderall Is “Friggen Sweet”

In Science by Joe Powell

WASHINGTON, DC – A new study released yesterday may suggest that prescription ADD medication, Adderall, is now considered “friggen sweet” by qualified recreational drug users. The controversial medication is often prescribed to help patients with the symptoms of fictional medical disorder ADD, now more commonly referred to under its alias condition “ADHD.”

The study, which measures the freakin’ sweetness and awesomeness of different prescription Read More

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Officers Shoot Unarmed Black Moon

In Local News, Science by Joe Powell

LOS ANGELES, CA – Astronomers have confirmed the shooting death of an unarmed Black Moon late Friday night. Friday marks the first Black Moon shooting since the last sight of the rare lunar event, back in March of 2014.

Officers involved in the shooting claim that the moon was resisting arrest and threatened the officers with a weapon of gravitational proportions. “The cops kept yelling at the moon to drop his weapon and come down to Earth, but he Read More

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Pharmaceutical Company Mylan Raises Price of EpiPen to Help Curb Overpopulation

In Local News, Politics, Science by Ryco Newton-Block

CANONSBURG, PA – In a surprisingly selfless and noble act, giant pharmaceutical company, Mylan, has drastically increased the price of life-saving EpiPens in an effort to “solve the world’s population problem.” The decision to “help humanity” by raising the price of this extremely vital product has sent anaphylactic shock waves throughout the entire world.

“China has a rule that you can only have one child, and that’s a good start to putting Read More