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Snapchat Addict Retires After Realizing His Life is Lame

In Local News by Brendan Ellis

Peter Lemon, 25, is a self-proclaimed “gym junkie,” a part-time Uber Eats driver, and a full time douchebag. Peter is finally coming to grips with the truth behind his very public Snapchat life: it isn’t as cool as his Snapchat story lets on.

“It hit me for the first time about three quarters of the way through the Zedd Concert this weekend. I captured some pretty sweet snaps of every song that night. I thought my followers must be dying for more

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WikiLeaks Reveals Gary Johnson Had Another “Aleppo Moment” and Accidentally Voted Trump

In Politics by Brendan Ellis

Last night Donald J. Trump won the presidential election in what is being called the biggest upset in the history of American politics. Some voted for Trump in support of the man’s ideas, some out of spite for Hillary Clinton and the obnoxious politically correct left, and one man, Gary Johnson, by accident.

WikiLeaks released the following hacked text conversation between Third Party Presidential Candidate Gary Johnson, and his running mate William Weld.

When

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Native New Yorker Remains Skeptical After Taking United States Geography Course

In Local News by Brendan Ellis

NEW YORK, NY – Jerry Cantrell’s head is still spinning after completing an introductory course in United States Geography. The 40-year-old civil engineer and lifelong Manhattan Resident entered the course to fulfill his company’s annual continuing education obligation.

“I know this city like the back of my hand, but the rest of the country is irrelevant as far as I’m concerned,” said Cantrell in his signature overemphasized Italian accent. “Sure

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