BOSTON, MA – The leather shoulder-sling modern-style brief case. The large hot coffee, gripped with intensity by a shaky hand sporting an impressive wrist watch. The cell phone, clipped to the hip, protected in a case the size of a car battery. Loudly speaking on the mammoth cell phone just moments before takeoff. 34-year-old Andrew Dawson had everyone on American Flight 1011, from Boston to Atlanta, completely fooled.
“I thought he was a big-shot business owner, or a lawyer,” said flight attendant Maria Rivera. “Flying daily, I see a lot of different people. I can usually spot the real businessmen from the fake. I truly thought he was legitimate until he kicked his shoes off. He wasn’t even wearing business dress socks – he was wearing yellow tinted tube socks. Then he got up and shuffled to the bathroom, in his socks, while the fasten seat belt sign was still on. He was in there for 15 minutes… in his socks.”
Crew and passengers alike were exposed to the depths of Dawson’s savagery when he finally emerged from the bathroom. With a look of casual unawareness, Dawson munched, impressive wrist watch deep, in a bag of Lay’s Sour Cream and Onion chips.
“He must have pulled that goddamned bag of sour cream and onion chips from his suit jacket!” Sneered 67-year-old furious passenger, Walter James. “What animal eats a bag of sour cream and onion chips in a bathroom!? What adult man doesn’t wear shoes on a plane!? What kind of a maniac eats sour cream and onion chips at 7:45am!?” The large grease stains on Dawson’s khaki suit pants confirmed that he not only consumed a bag of sour cream and onion chips on an airplane, in a bathroom, with yellow tube socks on, at 7:45am, but that he also used his khaki’s as a napkin for his clammy, salty, and tangy fingers.
After a particularly forehead sweaty flight, Dawson bullied his way past a young family attempting to remove a stroller from the overhead compartment. Dawson was last spotted by an unnamed fellow passenger at the airport Sixt Rental Car counter, arguing with the young female attendant over the rental price of a Toyota Yaris.