Devout Atheist Thanks God After Avoiding Ex-Girlfriend in Grocery Store

In Relationships by Joe Powell

MEDFORD, MA – “The only part I’m going to miss is that, as an Atheist, you can act really bitter and sarcastic towards everything, you know? Like Bill Maher, but not as funny,” said now former devout atheist, Trevor Podd. “I hadn’t believed, or even been to church, in years. But this act of God changes everything.” While visiting his hometown of Medford, MA for Thanksgiving, Podd reconnected to his deep Catholic roots after experiencing a near run-in with an evil demon spirit from the past: ex-girlfriend Nicole Wallace.

Sources confirm that on the morning of Thanksgiving, to avoid being asked to help around the house before guests arrived, Podd decided to go on an adventure to local hotspot – the grocery store.

Podd recounted the event, “the plan was simple. Go in, poke around, see if I saw any old friends to antagonize, grab some beers, and get out before I run into someone shitty.” Podd froze, a clear look of fear spread across his face. “It was when I turned out of the bakery section that I saw her. Cheating Nicole the Wombat Wallace. We couldn’t have been closer, but by some intervention from Jesus above she did not see me.” Podd paused to recite the Lord’s prayer nine times before continuing.

“Walk on water, die for our sins, have my ex-girlfriend Nicole not see me as we walk right past each other. True miracles. That was beyond luck. I feel very blessed.”

About the Author

Joe Powell

I am a comedy writer and Co-Founder of DeadJesters Read more...