Misogynistic Masseuse Accused of Providing Better Service to Male Clients

In Local News by Joe Powell

ATLANTA, GA – “I didn’t work my tail off at online massage therapy school twice a week for 40 minutes per session for 3 months to be criticized like this,” sneered 37-year-old Anthony Stump, a local masseuse under scrutiny for providing a higher level of customer care to male patients.

A group of female clients have filed suit against Stump, claiming that he often cancels female patient appointments in favor of male patients, provides sessions to men double in length to that of women, and even offers a weekly instruction based group massage class for men, a service not even offered to women.

“For me, it’s about building a relationship with my clients. In the art of massage, that starts at the body level. Men just know how to receive massages better. How am I supposed to find my grip on a little weak woman’s shoulder? Or tolerate the grunts coming from some slob with the pain tolerance of Rosie O’Donnell?”

Sources claim that Stump is currently separated from his wife and finalizing the details of his divorce. When questioned, Stump did not hesitate to dive into his feelings over his failed marriage. “Listen, when I come home from a long day of rubbing down these muscle monsters, if dinner’s not on the table, I go through the ceiling. My ex was trying to be the bread winner by being a lousy pediatrician. How is that going to put money on the table? I’m a male masseuse dang it and I’d like to finally have the respect of one.”

About the Author

Joe Powell

I am a comedy writer and Co-Founder of DeadJesters Read more...