BOSTON, MA – From the outside, 31-year-old Zach Ridley may just look like another sub-par real estate agent and financial leech to his aging parents. But sometimes, looks are fairly accurate. However, this past Tuesday afternoon, a life altering experience shook the purposeless Ridley to the core.
While deeply concentrated on finding the perfect flex position for his fantasy football team, Ridley, suddenly and naturally crossed his legs into a deep and memorable leg cross.
“I realized I crossed my legs just like my father,” Ridley leaned back, running his hands through his thinning hair. “It wasn’t the normal t-style leg cross. Ya know, the one where the right ankle rests on the left knee. No, this was a deep dad leg cross. Where the right leg slides down so that the right knee overlaps the left knee, like a lunar eclipse of wobbly knees. The two legs seem to become one. The type of leg cross where your hip muscles are all turned in from sitting at a desk for too long. The leg that hangs over is almost lifeless because the nerves in the hips are all desensitized from long hours of cross legged office sitting. I’ve only seen true men sit like this. In that moment I knew I had just become a man.”
Sources close to Ridley claim that they had noticed a more prominent leg cross in recent months. The noticeable change in Ridley’s leg crossing was also accompanied with enjoying other shitty grown-up white guy stuff, such as well-organized excel spreadsheets, presenting political issues in a one-sided manner, and wearing nauseatingly, tight-fitting bicycle shorts even though he does not own a bicycle.
“I thought I could avoid the pattern,” stated Ridley. “I wanted to be a professional wake boarder. Now I’m crossing my legs like some kind of lame ass successful hedge fund manager. Guess everyone has to grow up someday…”