High-Rise-Window Washer Witnesses 5 Men Jerking Off in one Day

In Local News by Ryco Newton-Block

MANHATTAN, NY – “My family has been soaring above the Manhattan Skyline since the early 60’s, soaping the shit out of every window in sight,” said a somber 23-year-old Bobby Bowles. “My father and his father before him were high-rise window washers.  I grew up dreaming of one day hovering high in the sky like a squeegee wielding God. Looks like that won’t happen now. I don’t know how I’m going to break the news to my dad.”

The news Bobby was referring to was the decision he made to quit his skyscraper-window-washing job after just one day of high-flying soap slinging. But, the real question is how did this happen? What could make a man quit just one day after realizing his lifelong dream? Bobby told us his account:

“The very first building we go to, we clear 3 floors and lower down to 47. I pick my head up and there’s a guy standing straight up facing his TV, absolutely hand-blasting his hog. This thing was a monster man! It was like he had Elephantiasis of the cock. My first day, my first building. I was like all right, shake it off, that’ll be a funny store to tell one day. No big deal.”

However, Bobby went on to explain that between floors 47 and 26 he saw four additional men aggressively masturbating in a myriad of circumstances. “One guy had on a full 3-piece-suit and was jerking it through his fly. What kind of a savage does it through the fly? It was so nonchalant it was almost like it wasn’t happening. Another guy was in his bed doing the wake and shake. Another guy was in one of those gas masks and sandals, eating his oatmeal with his left had and squeezing his ball sack with his right. It just doesn’t make any sense. I thought I could handle it. But when we hit the 26th floor and I saw the 5th dick of the day and almost jumped overboard.

Bobby looked down for a moment, sighed, then continued on, “I couldn’t believe it, the 5th I’d seen that day! All between 8 and 11 a.m. Three hours, five dicks. That’s 1.67 dicks per hour! I debated quitting then and there, but figured I’ll tough this out; tomorrow will be a better day. I banged on the glass to let the guy know I was there. And, in that moment, he whipped around and ejaculated directly on the inside of the window. I quit. Right there. I called to be brought up, I told them that a guy just nutted in my face and that I was done.”


After we broke this initial story, we caught up with Bobby’s dad, Barry Bowles. Barry told us he was disappointed in his son’s decision but was pleased that at least Bobby isn’t gay. “When he told me he had bad news I figured he was going to tell us he was gay. Me and his mom always thought little Bobby might bat for the other team. Instead he told us he got a facial, and to our surprise, he claims he didn’t enjoy it.”

Barry continued, “I am disappointed Bob didn’t stick it out though. Boo-hoo I saw a bunch of cock today, big deal” I saw my friend’s heads blown off in ‘Nam and I’m not bitching about it. But these are different times and kids are soft these days. I hope he reconsiders his decision and gives it another shot.”

About the Author

Ryco Newton-Block

Ryco Newton-Block is a comedy writer and stand-up comic from South Florida. Read more...