Officers Shoot Unarmed Black Moon

In Local News, Science by Joe Powell

LOS ANGELES, CA – Astronomers have confirmed the shooting death of an unarmed Black Moon late Friday night. Friday marks the first Black Moon shooting since the last sight of the rare lunar event, back in March of 2014.

Officers involved in the shooting claim that the moon was resisting arrest and threatened the officers with a weapon of gravitational proportions. “The cops kept yelling at the moon to drop his weapon and come down to Earth, but he just kept slowly orbiting east,” said witness Michael Wall. “That’s when the firing started. I never even saw a weapon.”

LAPD Commissioner, Burt Ballard, said in a statement, “our officers do not discriminate against the moon based on the color of its dusty surface created by its relation to and rotation with the Earth and Sun. However, if an officer tells you to stop orbiting and come to Earth, well dammit you come to Earth!”

According to astronomers at the University of Phoenix School of Online Learning, as compared with other lunar events, Black Moons are statistically more likely to be shot at by police. Crescent and Full Moons, although common, are shot at the least, while Blue Moons are shot at only every once in a while.

“If this was a Super Full Moon or a Rare Blood Moon everyone would be up in arms!” shouted local community organizer, James Jordan. “All interstellar and lunar events should be treated equally!” Although Black Moons come only twice a year, moon supporters believe that Black Moons matter and have taken to the streets in response.

About the Author

Joe Powell

I am a comedy writer and Co-Founder of DeadJesters Read more…