BOSTON, MA – While the self-help and inspirational book genre is one of the fastest growing in the industry, some believe that by providing false hope, the books prey upon those with no motivation who are searching for an easy fix. However, one local man has silenced those critics.
“It was an awful morning. I was hung-over as shit from Monday night football, and then I had an argument with the fuckin’ drive-through bitch at Dunkin’ Donuts for screwing up my order,” said 28-year-old master landscaper, Clyde O’Connell. “On the drive to my first job that day, I finally listened to this audio book that my buddy recommended, and I swear to God it actually worked.”
Sources admit that O’Connell spent the 47-minute car ride listening to the audiobook version of hit self-help novel “Many Shoes, Few Laces,” written by finance and spiritual guru, Tony Pales. Tony is a grown man who wears a shark tooth necklace.
“It changed my outlook on life for almost the entire afternoon,” beamed O’Connell. “I realized I hold a lot of fucking anger. It’s all about negative and positive thoughts, ya know?” O’Connell’s positive afternoon lasted from 11 am through nearly 5:30 pm, when he was abruptly cut off by a young woman driving a Kia Soul. O’Connell immediately launched into a mad, blind rage.
“By not fully loving myself, I’m not allowing myself to love others,” regurgitated O’Connell. “After a few more long drives with Tony’s book, as long as bitches don’t cut me off, I think I’ll finally get it all together.”